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I don’t consider being able to scream an improvement in my life.

I decided to help some stupid arrogant cruel and bad people who hurt me, all in the name of oneness. Maybe I took on too big of a job. The whole thing is to me too mad. I am looking for my kind of normal equanimity. I already sound unhappy and angry 😤 when I deal with day to day, why scream? It doesn’t work for me and for people who work with me I don’t see myself as a leader screaming at people. No one needs to scream for me on my team. That is not necessary, that would mean we are living disjunction. I thought of these raging rooms that are in Toronto and I don’t know how I feel about it. Rage doesn’t clear up rage, rage makes more rage. Meditation and prayers and calmness make more calmness. I don’t need to scream for my stupid students who deserve all they are going through, my good students naturally don’t get to see or know about my bad students. Screaming isn’t a sign of happiness and it doesn’t help me to increase joy power or anything I like. I am not the kind of teacher that needs to scream at people, only at my bad students. Please don’t think it is a blessing that I scream. Dear Gods what a difficult life this is for some.

Back in 2018 I took Akshobya vows to never get angry, I am unhappy I broke them too many times in my opinion. This is why this is a practice so that we will fail and we will have to get better. Eventually the peace is a seamless continuity of undisturbed mind. I also took other things and didn’t break those vows. Too much anger is a problem.

Well there you go, things to think about, sure you can ask questions here in the thread.

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A mommy reflection and the greedy we do not ever need on Earth. 👩🏻‍🎨🎙

My mommy and my good friends who also are mommies helped me write this. This is a serious read and the recording has additional content and omissions.
This is 12:23 long read.

Les mamans sont si merveilleuses

To be a mother is a very important task. The mommy is bringing in a new life and that means there is a relationship already, I believe, between that new person and the mom. So it grows and grows in the womb and then after, usually these days 9 months, it comes out and is little and needs a lot of help to grow. That is a special time to get to know each other dad gets to know the little baby and mom gets to know the little baby but in reality, the mommy who breastfeeds and nurtures the baby in the womb and has a connection in the womb is the most special person in the world. Mommies are special. There is much to talk about in the world about mommies and what women and do together. with and then once we know each other better we make our plans for a nice life together. So mommy job isn’t really difficult, it requires a lot of love and a flow of energy between us and direct connection inside the womb and in the heart and that is nice and nurturing. As a woman with girls, I have a girl, it is nice to see and flow the power.

The mommy job means that the protection of her child is the priority and no sane mommy can ever be involved in destroying her child’s life; that is unnatural and immoral. We are not here on this Earth to create a child and welcome it to fear and life of torture. We do not own children and they aren’t things to manipulate and abuse and explore inhumanely. So trying to slowly kill children with a premeditated lie and evil intent is not why we are here on Earth. It is a problem that doesn’t require much thinking that an evil woman who had a child who she hurt would ever want anything for herself is wrong, she can only want to be on her knees to beg and look for solutions and forgiveness. This is vile and disgusting that some very evil mommies think they breed like animals to use human consciousness to be tortured and the body to be mutilated inside so that they can prolong their life. That is not oneness and not a religion and not spiritual. That is greed. So children have their own connection with a mommy. A mommy job means looking after the flourishing of the child and watching how to best help her grow and so that she becomes the best that she can be. In no way is the job of mommy to let the girl take over her life and if that happens that is a misalignment that perhaps was discussed on a karmic level, however in most cases that signifies the mommy is a bad one who needed to be aligned and put in her right place. Mommy like me takes care of her girl with love and watches and chats a storm inside about life. The flow of power is beautiful and should never be abused. I dislike women who want to see their daughters in rage on mothers and I dislike to see mothers in rage on their daughters, there really doesn’t need to be any of that. It requires some thinking and harmonious intellect to create a flow between women that keeps us together and with love without dues.

hmm… discipline question, I see; it matters what mind you are discipline and what body you are disciplining and what heart you are disciplining what works for one child isn’t always good for all of them, we would have to group them. So with my girl, she doesn’t need discipline, ours is a long story and I give her love and she knows what to do is how we are. Discipline is something I know how to do and I don’t need to discipline her. When women think with me about disciplining their child I need to ask who is this for? This means mean mommies try to get a different answer than we all think on me is a problem! I agree. Why that is, is because I am too nice. I am just like that and I don’t like for anyone to abuse me and my girl for our niceness and to try to manipulate us to be ‘even-nicer’ because they want to abuse our power. essentially these are desperate suckers who are looking for love in the wrong place.

There are some horrible mommies out there who steal things from other women’s wombs and torture women and who inappropriately bond with women for profit on abuse of other children while they elevate their egos and make themselves unable to hear and think correctly. In my opinion that is an abuse of women’s power for things that we all s humanity know how to do and get in other ways. it is spiritual isolation and makes for idiotic thinking and ego problems emerge all the time when the correct view is shown. Good women quickly know how to correct the path and do everything they can to avoid conflicts and to create peace and nurturing love. The bad women are going to be eliminated and they are really into displaying how ignorant they are in abuse of children for a gain of power that no one wants to see and have around. Who wants to have power and love that is based on killing and theft? That is madness. No love exists out of badness and we cannot give love a bad name. No one who is sane wants that.

Today is the 21st century, Mommies of all nations are united and work together to support each other in a loving way so the world is a peaceful and loving place to live, where we all be a community of brothers and sisters and people who are living our happiness. As human beings, we don’t need killing, theft, greed to be our potential. Oh, My Goddess what a scary thought to have! If greed was the superpower in this world we would all cease to exist in a short time, we would be powerless, hungry and lonely untrusting and fearful. and the last greedy person would be dead too, that means that these greedy women need to know how to be normal and how to use their own feminine power, maybe they weren’t women before? These women are desperately seeking connection within themselves and they cannot find it because they have no hearts that work properly and they have no wombs that work properly and we the good Mommies are so busy helping these suckers fix their lives. Jesus and Maria help us all and the Buddhas already do.

I want to be in good connection and call out to ALL the good mommies on Earth and in the cosmos to help us continue to create the Earth of peace and the bad mommies need to be exchanged and fixed. This is not men’s problem. They are not bad. We as women cannot be abusing men either to blame them, that is not the way to say no because boys and girls know how to get together. Everyone knows that already. Normally a girl finds a boy or a boy finds his girl and they are together like that. I have my Loten and my girl is Katalina and he helps her with me too. The help of a man means a nice stable home and us working together and being happy, we both are into the same things. That is normal. We don’t compete and we support each other. We both are teachers, writers, artists and we make love. I gave up my body for my girl and I love her and it was needed and that I tell you is important that she isn’t ever balmed for that. My girl has a very nice body; I wanted to stay with my grandma and my father and my mommy, Dear God what a problem to educate her. I gave up my body so my mean mommy has something ugly to look at, Goddess almighty why do nasty mommies like that exist that need to make ugly and look at ugly? We are not here to make ugly. I need all Mommies of this Cosmos to help align and fix my Mommy so she is sane and not greedy. Power struggles like this and lazy women who don’t want to use their own power properly and feel entitled wrongly to abuse good mommies are chose du passé thing. My girl speaks French and I speak Spanish and she speaks Spanish and we both know that both these languages have much in common and it is nice. I lived in France in Strasbourg Barr for almost two years and my girl was a wonderful help. My greedy mommy likes to steal my daughter and she is already punished for saying she only wants love, we all see my mommy doesn’t use love well, she needs to learn how to live.

I like to play this belief with women that there is a land of mommies and there are doctors and nurses and spiritual leaders and the bad mommies go there and they get fixed. they learn about their power and how to be and then they return to earth all better.

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Write and Read 👩🏻‍🎨 [Poem]

Just words
Sometimes you have to be forced
To do something that is bad and big
Read and write, a quest complete a story,
It wasn't green or stitched up pig

The pig was mentioned today, suddenly.
It was a plain pig, an oink next to the mud
A pig covered in bentonite clay
With negative ions going on it’s skin
Nom nom we gonna eat you
Right after we pierce you
Your earrings give you no patience little pig
You are our clean meal.
All photos from author, and FREE services: unsplash, pixabay, pexels, file morgue and others and paid services.
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Justice is necessary 👩🏻‍🎨 [Poem]

All we are, are these bones and tethered bodies filled with thoughts,
May all pain of losing home never overshadow losing body,
Mind cannot replace reality in which torture and hatred live simultaneously without worry about future,
And they lose on death and dying;

Coins are flying, loons in the sky, boats on water and beavers 🦫 working their dams but hurt women blood doesn’t flow,
they are cut and brutalized for demon beasts without humanness with them,
what are we in this joy after being soiled by evil?
Too late for a lot.

Yet tears of joy flow undisturbed and free.

some women today are extremely sorry.

Art by
Sönam Wangmo

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Webster English dictionary 👩🏻‍🎨

I found one lying on the tracks at Union Station today… Another woman said to me it could catch fire. What do you think about that?

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The freedom of a loon💲 [Poem]

Long awaited
In prayer and words of daily charms of sweet waffle bites,
The moments unfolded with patient grace and honest statements,
Knowing that someone guilty and bad is getting too much grace, shifts the air a Dakini and out of the clouds emerges a question which simple true innocent answer is FREEDOM. It is mine.

How celebratory. How important on this November unbirthday of my daughter.

Thank you my Lamu, thank you your eminence, thank you Buddhism and thank you Big Love.
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My brief film review; The Exorcist 🎥

Halloween 🎃 is coming and I have some more scary films to watch. Yey Green Tara 🥦 the fear giver.

The Exorcist review, it’s quick and cuts off 😉
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Songs of Milarepa October 9~11, 2021

Online retreat: Learn more and register

Milarepa has a story. In the end he became a famous Tibetan saint. He wrote many poems, songs, ballads of his spiritual experiences. In the middle he had to repent, in the beginning he had a mother who was killed and his rage carried him away to live an evil life. I am not Milarepa and the teachings are important. I relate to the writing ✍️ as an expressive form of art.

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Surfacing Inanna

Thank everything almighty!
Inanna is an ancient Mesopotamian goddess associated with love, beauty, sex, war, justice and political power.
It is unimaginably difficult to live hated. Hatred destroys something in humanity that we need to survive. Unfortunately people make choices to hate. Hate is hate. Let’s not pretend it is other than what it is. We all avoid being hated. No one loves to be hated. Hate will never win over what you can become without it. It is possible to live without hate. Everyone needs to find answers for themselves. We can’t be looking for answers for other people and that can’t be our job. Each person needs to be ready to ask a question and to seek the answers. The looking within is everyone’s individual job. It is relevant what we keep and what we let go off in life. Grace guides those who are with grace. I believe in the good in the world. With repetition love overcomes hatred, leading to lasting peace.
Inanna's mythical story is a big part of my life. Now I am going to be able to exit the underworld. 
Calling in the feminine light of support.

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Hemingway Story [Poem]

Today on PBS I found an hour long story of Ernest’s Hemingway’s life. I was reminded of his turbulences and many women, recognized writing, noble peace-prize and that he suffered some severe head injuries leading him to dealing with difficult emotions, estrangement and efforts to address mental health. It is painful to hear that his writing is unachievable for others due to the depth of suffering from which he was writing. It is awful that he committed suicide and it is sad that he wasn’t able to win the battle in his life with the demons that haunted him.

I haven’t written anything more than 17 syllables in a while so I decided to sit down and write a poem out of my own suffering to honour the pain of E. Hemingway. I believe after watching this program I will be treasuring myself as a woman more. I am glad I didn’t commit suicide and I am glad I have caring people who support me.

Martyrdom & why you need to love me

It is frightening that you derive joy 
Knowing others are suffering 
it shocks my mind that you only want 
to see pain and laugh about it
I do not see what you do or are thinking as funny, 
we aren't friends, it's not my goal 
i do not want you to misunderstand 
pain you gave to me as a joke. 
I hurt and struggle because of your thinking 
I cant stand another day of unloving uncaring way 
you want to be with me.
Make a full effort to be kind and practice sanity 
towards your relatives, I am not into making you happy 
you feel like you want to vent allover my precious body. 
I don't need or have reasons or need reasons 
for your sense of humour and laughter at unjust 
pain of other people. you do not appreciate martyrdom.
you don't know what to do with one in your life.
Scars remain from knowing you.
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Spice of life [Poem] [Critique]

In bad taste are things not well mixed or stolen. Authorship may be in question with idea like ‘found poetry’. I am sure it leaves many of us writers unhappy to see things taken out of context, changed into different meaning or devaluating messages. created. Not funny. I don’t like it. The natural view, the clarity obscured. The spice of life taken out and destroyed.

Image from unsplash

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The Scent Of Green Papaya [Critique]

Synopsis: An Academy Award nominee for Best Foreign Language Film and winner of the Camera D’Or at the Cannes Films Festival, THE SCENT OF GREEN PAPAYA is set in 1951 Saigon, where 10 year old Mui (Lu Man San) enters household service for an affluent but troubled Vietnamese family. Despite her servile role, Mui discovers beauty and epiphany in the lush physical details that envelope her.
Les Productions Lazennec.

Director: Tran Anh Hung

Running Time: 104 min

Year: 1993

It is an unmistakably romantic film for people who live secure with the passing of time.
Filled with director’s nostalgia for the days before the Vietnam war, it is a sweet ripe thing that the French Vietnamese director, Tran Anh Hung, in his first feature film cast his beautiful wife Tran Nu Yên-Khê. While Hung continues to work with his wife in majority of his other films, this being the first feature film, makes it that much sweeter. Winner of the Camera D’Or at the Cannes Films Festival as well as the French national film award, César Award for Best First Work, The Scent Of Green Papaya shows us the journey of a young woman’s life.
The asian culture and its various systems of organizations as well as cultural aesthetics have drawn my attention for all of my adult life. This meeting of a strong Vietnamese culture and strong French culture is visibly woven into the film’s decor, acting, directing and happy love filled ending.
For those who are comfortable with knowing, feeling and living life in the present moment this film evokes reflections about hierarchy, suffering, gender roles, cultural and societal nuances and passing of time.
Showing comparison between the natural world of plants, insects and animals and human world, it is an invitation of how power can be utilized in/by hierarchy.
I like the opening scene of this film along with the details outlining precisely the unfolding events of the film, foreshadowing what is to come. The sensual nature of the film and the detail shown in the film make it a provocatively beautiful and attractive film to watch. Well timed music through the film adds the melodies to the various tensions and feelings the film explores. Early on presenting the father playing Đàn nguyệt (Moon lute), later on the pianist who plays Chopin, as well as the background music and sound of insects make it a palpable experience for the senses. Film’s artistic detail in the art pieces, colours of the interiors and exteriors, arrangements of plants and natural environment, attention to subtlety, finely tuned moments of time make this film a fine work of art.
Perhaps this film invites a natural unfolding of emotional and sensual nature of our delicate hearts.
At minute 7:47 through Mui’s window we are shown a Papaya tree with unripe green papayas.
This fruit periodically is shown cut, washed, cleansed, bathed, sliced, prepared in various ways and its seeds are looked at in wonder. The fruit represents Mui’s young age and her journey over 10 years, her marriage to a Vietnamese pianist, and both pleasant and unpleasant moments of life.
The film unfolds and shows us the ripening in the living world, seeding and sawing our seeds of actions, and the cyclical nature of life through various sensual tensions. These tensions weave into to a melody of Mui’s life, exposing failed tensions (the pilfering and philandering father of the family, and the failed engagement of the pianist man) as well as correct and complete tensions between people.
Through the pleasing physiques of the people, the attention to the grooming and cooking, serving and cleaning, modest and kosher clothing and daily activities timed properly, the rituals of life are showing the passing and coming together of emotions between people, simple exchanges of words, and lives forming and coming apart.
The film is filled with longings and planning for the future and remorse and reflection about the past. The death of the daughter in the family, another relative’s passing is strong thread of this film reflected in the cutting of the fruit of the tree and of killing of insects, eating of meat and the type of conflict that this family faces.
The film sets out within this Vietnamese family to show an interdependence and how the martial tensions, and father-older-mother tension of these Vietnamese parents are affecting their three sons, their marriage and effects their troubles have on Mui and the head servant. Mui quickly learns she resembles the deceased daughter of the man, and happens to possess a happy, modest and beautiful disposition, which lands her a good home and life.
The obviously dark and ritual killing of insects by the middle son, shows the disfunction in the intimacy between the father and the mother and how the the anger is being distributed within the family. This is contrasted by Mui keeping some crickets in a small cage and feeding them as they play. This has to do with the failed sexual tension between father and mother, grieving grandmother and in the formal upbringing of the boys.

The film is provocative and is strongly depicting hierarchy, the roles of men and woman and the weaving of their energies, lacks of reciprocity, lasting bonds, changes and separations, big challenges that we often do not consider in our modern lives.
The film shows these stark grave issues in a tender simple yet clear, typical to asian culture way, the fatherly, motherly and sisterly affection between the relationships in the film weaves them with Mui’s life and happy nature as a servant, intentionally incompletely albeit as she is assigned out of the family after 10 years of her service and brought onto the pianist’s household (a man she mets as a child) as a servant and her beauty, charm, charisma and sensuality destroy another woman’s life and pianist’s engagement when he falls in love with Mui.
This film is lovely in how we are being multicultural, vulnerable, strong, beautiful, mean, and human.